Everything you wanted
to learn at university
but didn't.

Wait, a radical politics of melancholy? Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t sadness tend to be politically unproductive, reactionary even. Cut off from the world, cut off from others, the melancholic person fixates on pain, loss, and defeat. Isn’t this why we say that sadness is often self-indulgent? Isn’t this why we use words like ‘wallow’? Attachment to a lost object, an expired past, leads to damage to the ego, a debilitating loss of agency, a type of paralysis, and an i

Things are starting to come unstuck. We are no longer speaking about the historical past in the same way. Here and there, little slippages. Added together, they constitute a qualitative shift. Situated within the history of how we speak about political violence in The Southern Cone, they signal the advent of a new sensibility. This shouldn’t be surprising, considering recent historical and political developments, namely the dramatic surge of far-right governments that followe

1. The overeducated janitor sensed that the end was near. He felt it in the same way that you can feel the closeness of a wall without actually touching it, with your shoulder, for example, just millimeters away. And, the overeducated janitor had read enough novels to know how it ends. The room, at the end of the story, is empty. Empty and tidy. So tidy, in fact, that it feels like it is no longer lived in. The bed is carefully made. The clothes are neatly folded, nestled in

It had been over a month since the overeducated janitor had last checked his email. What was the point? Nobody was writing him back. More than a year had passed since he left The Almost Ivy League University, and he still hadn’t heard back from any of the seventy-three teaching and research jobs that he had applied to. His research grants had all been rejected due to a lack of institutional affiliation. He tried to defend his trade as an independent researcher, but, from the

There’s something to be said about saying nothing at all. “It’s Over,” Tom Waits 1. It was the second time in less than a month that The Big Boss instructed me to get the bolt-cutters from the backroom. There was yet another lock to cut from a locker. This time it wasn’t a client, much less an archenemy. This time it was one of us. This time it was Arturo. For several weeks his lungs had been acting up again. He started to do things that were out of character for him, things

I The overeducated janitor never had an enemy before, much less an archenemy. Sure, here and there, there were people whom he didn’t get along well with, certain personality types even, the arrogant, the selfish, the extroverts, the attention seekers, for example, but his social circles had always been wide enough, in punk, at The Punk University, in community organizing, to steer clear of troubled waters, to circumvent conflict, to troubleshoot enough to ensure that the occa

“Don’t quit your day job, kid.” The overeducated janitor kept notebooks when he was younger. In his past life, his punk past life, he kept one on him at all times. At the merch table at shows, in the loft of the van on tour, on the porch of the flophouse, in the breakroom of any number of menial jobs, on the rooftops of the industrial corridor, down by the sulphur-soaked riverbanks, on rickety park benches, on public transportation, or wherever he happened to be when the word

Take the long way every time. To and from work. Along the freight train tracks. Where the cottonwoods grow tall. Where they have room to misbehave. Pick a spot. As remote as possible. Not visible from the chain link fence. Lost in the thistle. Atop a pile of discarded railroad ties. The trunk of a fallen tree perhaps. That one slab of cement jutting out of the gravel, spraypainted with the names of seventeen people, friends and lovers, long gone, colors faded. This is the one

Don’t set your alarm. Plan on sleeping in, as late as possible. “The longer, the better,” you tell yourself as you switch off the lamp on the nightstand, as if it were a question of will. Wake up, nonetheless, after a few short hours, still night. Don’t reach for your phone. Don’t check the hour. If you do, it’s all over. You can forget about falling back asleep. Once your mind is back on the hamster wheel, there will be nothing to stop it from turning, nothing to stop the ax

Don’t just lie there on the cold ground, covered in snow. Roll over onto your side, at least, and, from there, into a sitting position. Notice, as you do so, how it stings, your side, the whole bony mid-hip region. Check, before doing anything else, your glasses. Make sure they are not broken. You can handle bruises, sprains, fractures even, but your glasses? No, not your glasses. They come first. So, tap your temples with a gloved hand to check. Wait, what? They’re not there

Do not try to compose an anthem for your generation. Get that idea out of your head. It is simply not how this works. Don’t worry about your clothes or haircut or any of the songs on the radio or any of your friends ’ bands. Focus instead on breakfast, on getting the temperature of the maté right, on buttering your toast with the correct amount of butter, on standing at the window for a few seconds and trying to get a feel for the weather. There is something in the air, somet

Write a letter, several of them. One to The Big Boss, heavy-handed, full-blooded, yet without misgivings, without grievance, without insouciance, one that enumerates The Reasons in painstaking detail. One to Arturo, more of a manifesto than a letter, one that confirms his worst suspicions, political in nature, concerning my generation’s repetition of his generation’s mistakes. One to Chip, a countercultural Pass-the-Torch letter that bequeaths to her the volumes of subversive

There is always a moment of doubt. When you clean the hair from the drain at night, somewhere near the end of your shift, when the surfaces shine and your muscles ache, when the building goes quiet, eyes half closed, chest slowly heaving, breathing now regular, Totoro between the trees, there is always a moment of confusion, however small and unstable, confusion about whether the hair that has accumulated in the grate of the floor drain, a matted mess of assorted strands and

The toilet bowl is situated on the very edge, perhaps even a little more on the far side, over there, than over here on our side, the safe side, the legible side. It is a tear in the fabric of the curtain. By getting down low, really low, and by moving your body close, unbearably close, the most awkward of embraces, you can almost feel the breeze of the abyss on the skin of your face, you can almost taste the minerals in the air, as familiar as they are otherworldly, underwor

We have the place to ourselves, The Celebrities and I. All regular activities have been suspended for the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. The pool is closed, the gym is closed, the weight room is closed, the classrooms upstairs are all closed, getting their beauty rest, so well-deserved. The lifeguards are gone, the physical trainers are gone, the instructors are gone, and the receptionists are gone. The supervisors and coordinators, all long gone. It’s just us, t